“Where do you come from?” is out. – “How many languages do you speak?” is in.
In December, I spent three weeks in rehabilitation. A joint degeneration, a late echo of my earlier soccer career had made a medical procedure unavoidable.
My physiotherapist there was young, competent, attentive, and quickly impressed me. In our conversations, I noticed his excellent German, accompanied by a slight accent that I guessed might be Spanish.
His biography intrigued me. But how do you open such a conversation without falling into the trap of well‑intentioned yet potentially exclusionary questions?
The classic “Where do you come from?” was on the tip of my tongue and stayed there. Because it can carry an unintended message: You don’t quite belong here.
So I chose a different entry point. I mentioned my work in intercultural competence workshops and asked him: “How many languages do you speak?”
He smiled. “Three,” he said. And although I hadn’t asked about his origins, he soon told me about Chile, his home country. What began as casual small talk turned into a conversation about life paths, migration experiences, and professional identity.
There is real power in the questions we ask. Some highlight differences, others acknowledge abilities. Some narrow the space, others open it.
Intercultural competence begins with the mindset of not reducing people to labels, but giving them the freedom to decide which parts of their story they want to share.
And perhaps the most important insight is this: good questions make people larger, not smaller. In this case, a single sentence was enough to turn small talk into a meaningful exchange.
So now I’m curious: Which languages accompany you in your daily life and which ones feel like home?
I’m Bernd Scharbert, and I support leaders in bringing intercultural principles into their everyday practice. It’s about seeing cultural differences not as obstacles but as strengths and creating genuine connection in globally composed teams.
If this resonates with you, let’s start a conversation.
You’re also welcome to take a look at my book, in German so far: Prepare for Landing: Leitlinien für Interkulturelle Führung. You can find more information at Budrich Inspirited: https://lnkd.in/deprHftk
