There was a crackle in the room. The tension was palpable.
A high-ranking visitor to the site of which I was the director. The global manufacturing leader was a guest. In the joint meeting, one of my employees disagreed with him and tried to move the pendulum in his direction.
The language in the meeting in Frankfurt was English. The mood changed.
My reaction: I leaned back in my seat calmly and watched the situation with a relaxed face.
Only after a few minutes did I get involved, and only with a short question, for example: “Where do we stand in the discussion now?” Here, too, one could see my composure.
This seemed to be transferred, because the situation almost always de-escalated very quickly. Why?
✳️ Emotions are contagious. I signaled non-verbally: “Everything under control.” The brain of my conversation partners picked up on this signal and regulated their own arousal down.
✳️ Instead of getting into the conflict myself, I implicitly showed: “I have enough authority to wait and see.” This subtle change of power gave my counterpart permission to shut down as well.
✳️ My posture communicated a safe space signal: “You’re not under fire.” This made the global manufacturing leader as well as my employee feel that they don’t have to defend or attack. A mental space for respectful reflection opened up.
✳️ My calm body language was not only a splash of signal color for others, but also a somatic marker for myself: My nervous system received the Go signal not to switch to defense or attack mode, but to observer and moderator mode.
My composure seemed like an emotional “cold start” in the middle of the storm. Therefore, the tension tipped into the opposite.
➡️ What tools do you use for de-escalation?
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I am Bernd Scharbert and I accompany and advise when it comes to resolve tense situations in business. If you are interested, please feel free to contact me.
