In Saudi Arabia, the average number of children per family is 2.3. Statistically, it is therefore rare for a family not to have a son.
Why is this important?
The connection to the family is very important in Saudi Arabia. If you get closer to each other personally and a certain familiarity develops, you might move to a trusting personal Arabic “Abu …” (father of…) in direct conversations. And you name yourself the father of your eldest son.
And what if you don’t have a son? Then you name yourself as the father of your eldest daughter.
I myself have two daughters, but no son. That’s why I would be “Abu Annika” in familiar Arabic.
Now, when I was in a management role in Saudi Arabia, I realized that there were few examples of “Abus” using a female first name in my company, a Saudi-American joint venture. I estimated the ratio to be one to ten.
So I was a real exception. I was a VP within a Saudi company and had no son. In the beginning, I hardly paid attention to this special constellation. But over time, “strange” things happened, conversations to be remembered.
“Dr. Bernd,” an employee addressed me, “I heard that you are also called Abu Annika.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“I,” the colleague added, “am Abu Mariam*.”
Now I began to understand. I was a role model for this employee. He, also had no son. He, recognized in me the acceptance that in a company in Saudi Arabia you could make it to an executive level without having a son.
I have also observed this at peer level. When I had to deal with colleagues at a higher management level of the Saudi parent company, one was friendly with each other, but at the same time very reserved.
With a purchasing leader, however, it was different. After two conversations, he offered me the personal Arabic conversation mode.
“Dr. Bernd, I am Abu Rania*.”
We were now allies in solidarity, men without sons.
Knowing about this particular circumstance gave me some unexpected options for action. Above all, however, it made me aware that I wanted to live up to my role model role in this regard. After all, I am very proud of my daughters. And this should not be hidden.
➡️ And what about you? Can you also report on cultural experiences that surprised you very much?
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I am Bernd Scharbert and I support leaders with my experience after more than 30 years of leadership experience in the corporate world. On Guiding Principles for Intercultural Leadership in the relationship with KSA and other countries around the globe. If you are interested, feel free to contact me directly.
* Names changed
